Can someone help me look over my writing?
I had an assignment to write pretend letter to an author and I was wondering what kind of things would help this peice…
here it goes:
I have read your book The Giver twice in the past couple of years; it is such an original book, it poses more questions than it answers. I still haven’t fully grasped how someone could pull such a far fetched version of real life out of thin air, how did you come up with the story? Did you get ideas from the world today by exaggerating real life concepts? Something that really makes this book good is the way you can connect to the characters, how did you come up with them? I especial like Asher, out of all of the characters in the book it seems like he is most like a “normal” person in present time, did you base his or any other characters personalities off of anyone you know?
continued here
The story takes place in a very controlled environment, does that have a deeper mean then portrayed, hypothetically do you think this sort of thing will ever happen in the far future to some extent? Well, I think you’re a great author and I have read some of your other books, who inspires you to write them? If no one in particular inspires you what authors do you look up to in past and present time? Did you always know you were going to be a writer, wear your parents and teacher supportive?
does it seem too wordy I’m only thirteen and I may need to dumb it down a bit so it doesnt sound fake…which it isnt
and the reason there is so may question is that we had to have 10 questions
Your only real problem is that your questions are not well integrated. I did rewrite it entirely. (but I had to. I’m sorry, I cannot let a paper with such potential go unedited.) Here, whether you accept my corrections or not:
I have read your book “The Giver” twice in the past couple of years, and have enjoyed it more than you could know. It is such an original book. Posing more questions than it answers, the narrative has transfixed me through the far-fetched version of reality that it offers. I cannot imagine constructing something so complex fully from my imagination. How did you come up with the story? Is it simply an exaggeration of current societal concepts? Something that really makes this book good is the way one can connect to the characters. How did you come up with them? Out of all of the characters in the book, Asher stands out in my mind. It seems he is most like a “normal” person in present time; did you base his or any other characters’ personalities off of anyone you know?
The story takes place in a very controlled environment. What do you hope the reader interprets this to mean? And, do you believe this to be, to some extent, a possible portrayal of our future? This very idea is haunting, and I find myself questioning such possibilities. That is why I am so impressed by your writing; it causes the reader to think, to imagine. From whom do you draw inspiration when you write? Do friends, family members, or fellow authors act as muses to you? Every book of yours that I have come across has impressed me. If there are authors who you admire, could you suggest them to me for further reading? Your literary interests, particularly those you had as a teen, would give me more insight into your writing. When you matured, did you know that writing would be your career? If so, did you find support in your parents/teachers? I only hope that you continue to pen novels as brilliant as “The Giver”.
March 4th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
It is very good… please don’t dumb it down. If your teacher thinks it is fake they will look it up on the internet. Keep up your writing skills.
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March 5th, 2010 at 12:00 am
* especially in first para (not especial)
deeper mean(ing)
If no one in particular inspires you(,)what authors do you look up to in past and present time?
wear (?)your parents and teacher(s) supportive?
you wear clothes so I think you meant were
it doesnt sound to wordy ~ if it sounds better then what you normally do then its either because you liked the storyline better or youve improved
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March 5th, 2010 at 12:42 am
This is my edited version:
I have read your book, The Giver, twice in the past couple of years. Your book is so original, because the story poses more questions than answers. I still haven’t fully grasped how someone could pull such a far-fetched version of real life out of thin air; how did you come up with the ideas for your story? Another thing I like about this book, is how easy it is to connect with the characters — how did you come up with them? Out of all of the characters in the book, I like Asher; he seems to be the most "normal" person in present time. Did you come up with his, or any other character’s, traits based off someone you know? The story takes place in a very controlled environment. Does that have a deeper meaning from what is portrayed? Hypothetically, do you think this sort of thing will ever happen in the far future to some extent? Sincerely, I think you’re a great author and I have read some of your other books. Who, or what, inspires you to write your books? If no one in particular inspires you, what authors do you look up to, in past and present time? Were your parents and teacher supportive, and did you always know you were going to be a writer?
Basically, I got rid of the word "it." Im 15 in 10th grade and they literally forbid you to use that word in writing. I reworded and switched some things up a bit, but otherwise, your writing is very good. Just work on where to place commas and when to end and combine sentences. Great job!
References :
March 5th, 2010 at 12:56 am
Over all it was very good….be sure to check over your work and punctuate. Make sure when you are using the name of a book to either put it in quotation marks or underline it. Don’t include very many questions.. write about all the things that you liked or disliked about the book. Include your ideas in the letter. It’s O.K. to ask some questions. In a letter you should always start out with a salutation (ex. Dear_________,) and end the letter with a closing (ex. Sincerely __________,) But other than those minor mistakes it was over all very good.
References :
March 5th, 2010 at 1:15 am
Your only real problem is that your questions are not well integrated. I did rewrite it entirely. (but I had to. I’m sorry, I cannot let a paper with such potential go unedited.) Here, whether you accept my corrections or not:
I have read your book “The Giver” twice in the past couple of years, and have enjoyed it more than you could know. It is such an original book. Posing more questions than it answers, the narrative has transfixed me through the far-fetched version of reality that it offers. I cannot imagine constructing something so complex fully from my imagination. How did you come up with the story? Is it simply an exaggeration of current societal concepts? Something that really makes this book good is the way one can connect to the characters. How did you come up with them? Out of all of the characters in the book, Asher stands out in my mind. It seems he is most like a “normal” person in present time; did you base his or any other characters’ personalities off of anyone you know?
The story takes place in a very controlled environment. What do you hope the reader interprets this to mean? And, do you believe this to be, to some extent, a possible portrayal of our future? This very idea is haunting, and I find myself questioning such possibilities. That is why I am so impressed by your writing; it causes the reader to think, to imagine. From whom do you draw inspiration when you write? Do friends, family members, or fellow authors act as muses to you? Every book of yours that I have come across has impressed me. If there are authors who you admire, could you suggest them to me for further reading? Your literary interests, particularly those you had as a teen, would give me more insight into your writing. When you matured, did you know that writing would be your career? If so, did you find support in your parents/teachers? I only hope that you continue to pen novels as brilliant as “The Giver”.
References :